You know that feeling when it was not intention to do wrong or hurt others but you end up doing it unintentionally. Yeah, maybe I messed up. Or yeah, I really did messed up. People say it was just an honest mistake but how can I say it if in the first place, they already expect me to do things I usually do. It sucks to say sorry but if it's the only word I can muster to ease the guilt I suddenly felt, then maybe getting humbled is better.
It's been a while since I've been like this, wanting to write something about what I'm feeling at this exact moment. It's been a while since my brain actually speaking the words spontaneously while I'm writing this. Yeah, it really sucks. This guilt had given me burden and additional stress. I just hope this month will end. It has been a hell month for me. I want to release all my frustrations, stress, insecurity, all negative feelings that has eaten me this past few weeks. Wow, now I feel like crying,. My tears are just uncontrollable. I don't know what to say or write after tears started falling in my eyes. I questions myself, AM I SELFISH? AM I STUPID? Why do I always fail? why do I make myself look stupid to others? Why do people don't believe what I am saying? why do they think I'm just a shallow person? why can't I forget the hurtful things others had done to me? Am I revengeful that I can hold grudges for a long time? This feeling really sucks. I hurt my friends, I disappoint my family, I fail at work, I look stupid when I'm with intelligent individuals. I know everything are all trials to make me stronger but why can't I learn my lessons??
No comments:
Post a Comment